Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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