hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
