once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
