How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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