I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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