It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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