Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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