is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
