They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
