I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
vagina is talking i cant
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
