Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
