I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
