i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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