eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
