so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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