so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
