Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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