I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
