Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
