I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
