Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
