i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
