you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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