Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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