i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
