So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize