Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
