YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
