i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
