Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
