lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
