I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
