May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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