Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
