Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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