my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
