You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
