you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
