oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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