Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
