just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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