Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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