It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
