but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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