I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
