put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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