Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it's great music for shaving your balls
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
