The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
