she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
