Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
