turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Drake has all the answers
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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