I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
