the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
