i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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