420 ftw
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
