Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
