so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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