I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
