i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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