It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
