yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm going to jail i love you
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
