I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
