oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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