she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
