So drunk its hurt
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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