I want you more than these girls want KFC
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
