I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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