She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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