But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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