Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
