It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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