please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
