i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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