I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
