She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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