The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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