Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize