i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
