Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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