just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize