I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
