Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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