Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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