Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
