I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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