I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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