Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
