Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
