I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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