My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
