Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
