whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
