Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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