I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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