Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
