He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize