Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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