The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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